I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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