I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
