if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
