I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am available for nakedness
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
