Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
