Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
