I want you more than these girls want KFC
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize