I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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