do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
