Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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