This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
