I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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