I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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