im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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