oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
