im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
