I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
