I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
