Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
