Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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