I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
