i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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