so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
