needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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