if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
