I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
