I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
