i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
