it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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