trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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