go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
