What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
