His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize