I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
