You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
