Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
