I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
