TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
