Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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