You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
