Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
