Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
