Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize