i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize