Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
