thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
