You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
