he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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