A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
