Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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