You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
