Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
