I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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