i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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