i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
