A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
