Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
