I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think your dad took our porno
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
