OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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