He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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