Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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