Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
