I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
