i don't like sucking hair
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
